Your relationSHIP lost at sea? Then try a relationSHIFT!
What is a Relationshift?
Recently, I’ve had a couple revelations about relationships, or what I feel is a better term for this energetic synergy between two human beings…”relationshift”. If you think about it, our relations are always shifting as we navigate the cycle of change…we are always growing, evolving and moving through life many times at different paces. So, when we think of our relations with one another shifting, rather than a relationship that sounds more like it’s lost at sea, then we manage them differently. Like everything else in life, we change, people change and we all respond to change differently. When there’s a natural expectation of all relationships eventually changing or evolving in some way, we then become curious about what is next rather than becoming disappointed. Being curious is a healthy way to approach any situation for it opens us up to any potential outcome rather than being attached to just that one way “it’s supposed to be”.
I have learned through my own experiences of “outgrowing” my partner that it’s important to know the type of partner you are choosing. Are they coachable? Are they self-aware? How do they receive feedback? Do they have an interest in personal growth or improving themselves? If you are a person who is striving to become better, then these are qualities to look for in someone because then there is a mutual understanding of one another’s journey. Furthermore, the constant change life throws at us that impacts each of us on a personal level, will enable us to work through the process with our partners rather than being disappointed and feeling like you’re going through it alone. Being more adaptable in our relations will only help us support each other when change occurs. Going through the shift together is hard enough, and when we have a partner that “gets it” and resonates with how we are feeling, only makes it easier.
What is love?
Love is the highest energy vibration there is…however, we never experience the same vibe twice. The combination of two individual people and their level of energy is what makes up the level of chemistry between them. So, one can never feel the same type of love with another person. We may attract the same type of person, or similar energy vibration, and therefore feel like we keep repeating the same “mistakes” over again. This is simply because you didn’t get the lesson or you’ve not done the healing necessary from the first relationship. I promise you, until you do, you will continue to attract the same kind of person, energetic being, that matches that emotional wound. Only when you work through the process of those painful emotions, can you evolve to a place where you attract the partner you know you are worthy of having.
Self love is the foundation of true love. Addictions often get in the way of true love because when one does harm to themselves, they lack self love. To overcome addiction is to learn self love and do no harm. When you are in love with yourself, you can then share that love with another and create a lasting relationship built on a healthy foundation and not one of brokenness.
Some words that come to my mind to describe love are:
Calmness – the calmness especially when in the midst of chaos or change is one of the greatest forms of love there is. It’s a neutral reaction that does not trigger an emotional response, rather takes an observer perspective of the situation. Calmness stems from first having self-respect that radiates onto others.
Drama-free – Love is a drama-free zone. Which simply means healing been done. Drama comes from not truly understanding your partner, their mindset, or emotional response to change. When someone is triggered by something, it means there are emotional wounds from a past experience, fear or unhealthy belief system. Likely, there is more healing that needs to be done to eliminate the dramatic responses. Growing experiences are definitely a part of love, these circumstances can elevate us without having to be dramatic.
Sacrifice – I asked my husband what he thought love meant and “sacrifice” was his answer. I have to admit, it caused me to push back a little because the last thing I want to do is sacrifice any part of myself in a relationship (been there done that). He continued to explain sacrifice in a relationship means something is more important than you. As I opened my mind to that beautiful perspective, I did some quick self-discovery on why I immediately wanted to argue the point. I dug deep to find I translated sacrifice as “losing my identity” or becoming the person my partner wanted me to become rather than being my authentic self. Then, I came to the realization that sacrifice is not losing yourself but sharing yourself, your time, energy, and space. And that is the most beautiful gift one can possibly give one another.
Why do relationships fail?
I believe it boils down to one partner failing to operate at their highest potential or at least when they lose interest in growing or evolving to be their best self. When we first meet someone special, we are at our best. We are looking our best, acting our best and showcasing the best versions of who we are so that we can win that person over. This is human nature. But as time goes on, people sometimes get lazy, get comfortable, and fail to nurture their potential leading to a less attractive version of themselves. Perhaps they were not portraying their authentic self from the beginning, rather a facade of what they thought they needed to be to get the girl/guy.
You see, when one of the partners operates in the lower vibe or negative version of their true self, it cannot be hidden. Truth always prevails and your true self can not be camouflaged for long. This can be the ultimate turn-off for someone striving to be their best. This is typically when our love begins to fade, we stop caring as much about helping the other person and eventually they fall behind as one keeps going on their destined path exploring the adventures of life.
Which brings me to my next relationship killer: a lack of communication. If you are in a healthy relation-shift then communication is a given and a must-have! Conversations must go deeper, beyond the surface and many times touch a level of emotional truth our partners may not be willing to reach. When people refuse to evolve, they reach a place of denial and therefore won’t let themselves open to hearing the loving support, rather they focus on your disappointment and see it as complaining. There is a way to speak to one another that allows a safe space to open up and become vulnerable without playing the blame game. Create that space within your homes, hearts and minds.
My other opinion is that one of the major reasons relationships fail is due to lack of awareness. Being conscientious of your partner, their needs and desires is ultra important to creating a healthy relationshift. Everyone wants to be seen and heard and when our partner notices the little things that are important, whew, those love vibes will spark! In addition, to being aware of your partner, equally important is self-awareness. To see one’s own strengths as well as weaknesses is one of the most attractive qualities in a person that only becomes more sexy when they work to improve those weaknesses.
What do you do to keep your relationship fresh?
It’s that “F” word we all know and love…flirt! (Not sure where your mind went.) Flirt, like when you were in high school. Remember that? You could always sense when someone liked you whenever they flirted with you in the hallway…be it a smile, a note being passed, a compliment, or that sparkle in their eyes. So flirt with your partner again, because if you lost attraction then likely you’re holding some sort of resentment…and resentment comes from a partner that’s not holding up their end of the bargain. Have an open, honest dialogue about how this feels or when it began so that you can clear the air. And then flirt every chance you get…it not only keeps your partnership fresh, it keeps you young.
One of the things my husband and I have been doing since we started dating is having these periodic “checkpoints”. We take an inventory of “us” and assess our mind, body, and spirit connection because like I said, people evolve and not always at the same pace. We want to be sure that we are a least taking an interest and gaining a mutual understanding in where we are as a couple and also as an individual. Are our needs being met in all areas of importance? Mental Stimulation? Physical attraction? Spiritual connection? Personal growth? Be consciously aware of what the newness of your relationship felt like, keep it alive. One way to do that is to talk about it…it’s like an aphrodisiac.
Lastly, I realized how important having our own space is…space to just be one with ourselves…be it running, yoga, fishing, golfing, walking, or shopping. It’s one thing to know who you are in relation to your partner it’s another thing to know yourself in relation to your higher self which can only be done in solitude. Who are you when no one is around is a reflection of your true nature. Do you sing? Dance? Lolly-gag? Mope around? Look for distractions? Genuinely happy? Worried? These times alone give us an opportunity to do a checkpoint with ourselves, gauge our own healing process and work through adjusting our perspectives of life. In doing this, we truly get to know ourselves and who we are on a deeper level that only makes us a better partner in the long run.
It is never too late to transform your relationship into a relationshift. Start by realizing what has changed, what needs to change and then create a vision of the way you both prefer it to be. Next release what no longer serves the partnership’s highest good. This is where sacrifice comes in handy. Once you reinvent your partnership by putting into practice the new agreed-upon beliefs, behaviors and perspectives then you will soon resurrect to become the couple you’ve always imagined to be. Become THAT couple that others look to, admire and envy…for in being the best version of yourselves will only invite others to do the same. After all, happiness is contagious and a happy couple is a beautiful couple.
Angel Carlton Anderson is a Motivational Speaker, Published Author on the topic of personal transformation…helping people evolve through the natural cycle of change so that they transform into a greater version of themselves. To Learn more visit: TransformwithAngel.com
Wisdom for Wayshowers 