Most people would consider this type of behavior normal, but for me it was quite unusual. My teenage son, whom I adore more than life itself, was acting a bit peculiar. Now parents of teen aged children and even those who specialize in teenage behavior, would confess, all kids that age begin to test the waters by doing things like “talking back” to their parents, speaking with sarcasm, you know those “smart mouth” responses to the simplest questions and even being defiant saying things like, “No, I don’t want to” when asked to do a particular chore.
For me, this particular day was an awakening. I began to notice our relationship of that special mom-son bond begin to change and not in a way I felt was healthy. He felt very distant and his words lacked the kind tone I have become accustomed to over the 15 years of his existence. I have to admit, I was sad, and at the same time extremely curious.
So, rather than punishing him for “speaking to me in that tone” and responding with something along the lines of, “Because I am the mom and I said so!” I decided to take this interesting opportunity and turn it into a teaching moment. Little did I know I was the one who would be learning. So, I took him out for ice cream. Yes, we got in the car (desperate to create a captive audience) and began driving to the Dairy Queen on the other side of town (even though it was in the dead of winter, it worked!). Oh and so I can be as authentic as possible, I deliberately and proudly left my ego at home so I could approach the situation from my heart and speak to him soul to soul. Not an easy task for any adult, but I strongly felt this is a time for some “transparent-ing”
I began the conversation by saying, “Nick, you know you are my first and only child, right?”
He responded curiously with a long dragged out, “Yeeeesssss?”
I continued, “Well, then you probably realize I have never done this before, parented a teenager.”
I could hear his thoughts churning in his brain, wondering where I was heading with all this. I continued, “And so, I am wondering how you feel I am doing as a mom. I am honestly asking for feedback. What would you change, and what do you feel I am doing well? This would really assist me in providing the most appropriate guidance for you through your teenage years. Basically, share with me, in your own words, what’s working and what isn’t.”
He sat silently for awhile (and as difficult as it was, so did I, as I could tell he was deeply processing the profound question) then he responded with something I wasn’t really prepared to hear. But since I left my ego at home, I was open to receiving it. He said, “Mom, I really hate it when you ask me to do something, then get mad when I don’t do it right then. And you end up doing it yourself. That makes me feel bad. And it bugs me when you….And I wish you wouldn’t…..”
He really opened up to me, and I just listened, feeling so grateful for him having the courage to say the things he did with such honesty. See, I created a safe space for him vent and share his emotions and feelings without any judgement. I was transparent and it allowed him to be as well. My intuition served me as I knew his behavior may have been caused by having an attitude directed toward me. I thanked him for having the courage to speak his truth and let him know how much I appreciated his feedback. I encouraged him to do the same when he is a dad because I found it very helpful. We set crystal clear expectations and then made agreements on how we will deal with these circumstances in the future and to respect each others time so to avoid this type of miscommunication from happening again.
Then something unexpected and quite magical happened. Nick started to pour out all the things he appreciates about me. How much I do for him and how I am always there for him, I trust him, give him freedom, we have fun together and how much he has learned from me and on and on. And for a mom, those words are like a symphony to our ears and the most beautiful, music to make any mother’s soul dance. I was holding back the tears as I expressed my appreciation for once again sharing his truth and I said I would do my best to continue to be that mom for him. And asked him to please remind me if I begin to get “off track”. He said he would, and we sat and ate our ice cream together, over small talk, laughing and enjoying each other’s company as we always do.
For me, I chose to be a different type of parent. I choose to converse rather than holler. I rather empower and praise the behaviors that serve my son well, rather than punish and threaten him if he doesn’t behave in the way I think he should. I learned to set my expectations aside and allow him to find his own potential. I did my best to make decisions that were in his best interest rather than what made me look like a good parent and stopped caring about what everyone else thought. I tell him how much I appreciate him in my life often. I recognize all the amazing natural gifts he has, nurture them and remind him every time I notice them so he can become aware and someday utilize them to make a difference. I learn from him and thank him when I do. I have found this reinforces the behavior that I want him to practice and also best serves him to be the best person he could be. Focusing on the positive, breeds more positive behavior.
As parents, I believe we have to hold up the mirror every now and then and take a good look at ourselves. I mean really look at what type of people we are creating for our future. We often get so wrapped up in our own journeys and forget about this important societal responsibility. Its time to create a new parenting paradigm, what I call, “Transparenting”. Do you recognize when those “old tapes” in the mind are playing from that parenting program that was downloaded when you were a child. Is there something that didn’t serve you well that perhaps you are carrying over to your kids? If so, the first step is to create the awareness, choose another way, then put it into practice immediately.
Our children are souls who came here just like you, to explore this journey called human life. They chose you as their parent so that they may grow to become the grandest version of who they are. You see, our children grow to be reflections of us and how they are treated. We have the responsibility as grown adults to take ownership and be accountable for their behaviors. Not only that, but we are also teaching them how to be parents themselves and so you are directly impacting our future generations. They will emulate you and your parenting style.
Its not too late to make a shift, or change the way you parent your child. It takes courage, honesty and most importantly, transparency to be who you are and relate to them on a soul level. You are here to guide them, set the path for them and then allow them to fly. The teen age years, I am learning, are when they struggle with finding the courage and can’t seem to find the way to communicate the words, so they use their actions to try to tell us, “I am ready to take on the world and I require more freedom to do so”. And although we see the growth in progress, learn to trust their abilities and let them go little by little. By allowing them the opportunities to speak their minds and feelings to us as parents, we are only teaching them to speak their minds, practice having “courageous conversations” and stand up for themselves in a peer pressure situation too.
Since I relate everything to Numerology, I wanted to share this with you to perhaps help you along the trans-parenting journey. When we are aware of the path and purpose our children came here to experience, parenting then takes on an entirely new meaning and you play a much more important role in their lives. My son is a 22/4 path which means he has a choice to walk a Master Soul path (22) as well as the 4 path . Its the difference between becoming a Master Builder in life, to serve humanity in some big way (Oprah Winfrey comes to mind) and the hardworking, business-minded, mathematical 4 Life Path where short cuts only serve as lessons and reminders that they have to take the necessary steps toward success. I often remind him as he prepares for college what he seems to enjoy most, what comes natural to him and what he has gravitated toward his entire life. I help him recognize his God-given gifts and guide him accordingly.
Here is a great example of how this information can help parents…In Numerology, parenting can be improved if you understand the personality of your child, depending on your birth number. An example of this is when a father, who was taught to be masculine and strong, teaches his son that he should not cry. However, if he has a number 2 son, there will be problems with this line of thinking. Number 2 children tend to be overly emotional and sensitive. They keep their feelings hurt easily and they tend to cry often. The number 9 father may not understand this innate nature of his son and will always be hard on him and demand that he “be a man.”
I have come across a resource that shares some insightful perspectives on parenting styles as it relates to your Life Path as well as the Life Path of your children. By adding the day of the month, will give you this, much simplified version, parenting report. Of course a full report of yours and your child’s life path will give you much more information. Knowing this information, can virtually change the outcome of that young soul’s life and be the catalyst that can change the world. And your important role as a parent just may be your soul purpose too.
Parenting Numerology Numbers
NUMBER 1 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
For those born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, or 28th of the month, your idea of a good parent is one who keeps his/her children safe physically. Be aware of the importance of protecting children emotionally. Allow your children to express themselves, and allow yourself to show emotionas well. If your children were born on dates adding up to a 1, 4, or 9, you will be likely to have a happy and harmonious relationship with your kids. Children born on 6 or 8 dates are more emotional and less likely to think through situations like yourself. This may cause some disagreements among you.
NUMBER 2 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
If you were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th are usually very nurturing due to the relationship they have had with their own mothers. Children born on dates adding up to 2, 7, or 6 are more likely to be in harmony with you. The reverse is true if your children were born on dates adding up to a 9. Number 9 children tend to be more rebellious. Unlike your gentle nature. Children born under the number 8 are the next number to cause possible conflict.
NUMBER 3 NUMEROLOGY PARENTS
Those born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, and 30th of the month, you’re considered a 3 parent. Any children born under 3, 6, or 9 may seem to tug on your heart. You are conflicted by your strong work ethic, but your strong tie to your family as well. If your child is born on a 4 or 5 date you will find yourself needing to devote more time and attention to this needy one. The 4 or 5 may also require more patience has they may tend to push your buttons a bit easier.
NUMBER 4 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
Number 4 people are those born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, or 31st of the month, those children born on dates adding up to 4, 1, or 5 are the ones you are less likely to reprimand. Your moodiness at times causes your children to misunderstand you. When you are feeling happy and in a good mood, use that opportunity to tell your kids you love them and our proud of them. If you have a child or two born under a 6 or 8, the balance of peace and harmony may be harder to achieve. The 6 child and 4 parent are similar and can be quite stubborn. Don’t let your tendencies toward pessimism discourage your 6 and 8 children. They need encouragement and praise in these formative years.
NUMBER 5 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
Being born on the 5th, 14th, or 23rd makes you a number 5 person. You deal with children well and you are flexible with them. Your children that are born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd may be very much like you in the way they walk, talk and act. As is more likely with birth numbers adding up to 6 or 9. However, the children born under a 3 or 8 may seem like they are from another time and place from you. You will need to work harder to create understanding among you. Keep in mind they are your own flesh and blood and it’s critical to treat them with the same amount of understanding, love and encouragement.
NUMBER 6 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
Those born on the 6th, 15th, or 24th of the month are #6 parents. Like the number 2 parent, you are a nurturing parent and loving your children is a piece of cake. You are flexible no matter what birth day children may have, especially those born on dates that add up to 6, 2, or 3. Children born under 4 or 1 may sometimes confuse you. A number 4 child is usually harder to understand. They have a hard time explaining why they do what they do. You shouldn’t expect them to be as sociable and fun-loving as yourself, but do encourage 4 or 1 children to be the best they can be and allow them to take risks.
NUMBER 7 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
If your date of birth is the 7th, 16th, or 25th than you are a number 7 parent. Due to the fact that you value peace and serenity, parenting may be a challenge for you at times. For you, it seems that you will find better harmony as your children get older and more mature. If you have a 7, 2, or 6 child, they may require a great deal of your attention. Which may take time away from your other offspring. Those born under 8 or 9 may cause you greater worry. Because you tend to be keep you feelings inside be sure to let your children how important they are to you. Be honest with them in your love.
NUMBER 8 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
If your birthday is on the 8th, 17th, or 26th, you would be a number 8 parent. The 8 parent has a tendency toward being cold and hesitant.. If you find that to be you, you need to work hard at not showing this to your kids. You need to bring out the loving side of your nature. Children born on dates adding up to 8, 3, or 6 may be easier for you to pay attention to you, because they are more like you in many way. The opposite may occur with the 4, 5, and 1 children. You may find yourself more frustrated and less understanding with them. Give to your children without favoritism and you will never regret it. They will love you for it.
NUMBER 9 NUMEROLOGY PARENT
Were you born on the 9th, 18th, or 27th of the month? Then you are a number 9 parent. You are brave and adventurous and you desire that in your children. You find yourself encouraging them in the way you do. If any of your children share a 9 birth date, or are a number 1 or 3, you may not have reason to worry. However, you may just have a child that acts and thinks just the opposite as you do. Love your child for who they are and do your best to understand their nature. If your child was born on a 2 or 7 date, don’t expect a strong and brave nature from them, especially if they’re boys. Let them develop in their own time and don’t scold them for making choices that are contrary to your nature. Give them room to grow.
It is an honor and privilege to serve you. For a private numerology consultation, please contact: Angel@AngelCarlton.com.
One thought on “Transparent-ing”
Reblogged this on The POWER UP PEOPLE! Post and commented:
There is a powerful message here for parents or anyone in a position to influence children. Developing our next generation of leaders starts at home. Empower a child…change the world.