By Angel Carlton
Outgrowing your relationships is a symptom of personal evolution.
Times of change are life’s monumental moments of transitioning into the next greatest version of yourself, and who you have at your side will have a direct impact on the outcome. Seemingly, it is during times of change, where we evaluate everything in life, including our relationships. Typically, when we “outgrow” a relationship, we automatically want to blame the other person for what they’ve done or not done to maintain our happiness. The truth is, more than likely, they haven’t changed at all. They are the same person they’ve always been. You’re the one who is evolving, transforming, and growing. Suddenly, that person doesn’t seem to be a fit any longer. This is not the time to blame, this is the time to be accountable for your own evolution. With this growth comes a responsibility to be honest, respectful, and compassionate with those around you, as they might not fully understand the changes you’re experiencing.
Be selective as to who you let on the bus that is taking you to your destiny, and who you should be waving to out the window as you parade on by. Some people are not yet equipped to go where you’re heading. There’s no need to discard people who you love and care about. Simply, share your new approach toward life, lead by example, and they will either follow or get out of your way. To help you determine who is destiny-worthy, make a list of all of your relationships, and put them into one of these four categories:
- The first category contains those relationships that empower, encourage, and support your highest vision. You usually walk away from these people feeling energetic, happy, and capable. These are healthy relationships to have in your life. You want to surround yourself with these people as much as possible.
- The next category are those people that you either admire, envy, and even judge. These are significant because these messengers are here to show you something about yourself that you may have forgotten or haven’t noticed yet. Pay close attention to these relationships, as they bring great insights on what to release during this very important phase of transformation.
- The next quadrant contains relationships that require much giving of your energy. These are the people in life that you support, you encourage, and you empower on a regular basis. The fact that you’re helping someone may boost your energy temporarily, yet after a while this can drain you. These types of relationships can create an energetic imbalance in your life. This is why it’s so important for you to give to yourself first, so that you have enough energy overflowing to give unto others without sacrificing your own enlightenment.
- The fourth quadrant of relationships is what I call GTHO (get the heck out!). The “GHetTO” is no place for anyone to be. These relationships are destructive, can be abusive, and are very disempowering. In most cases, these people are unsupportive, try to diminish your power, keep you “small,” and discourage you from any growth whatsoever, because if you change, that means they may have to change also, and for some, change can be very scary. It would be to your benefit to distance yourself from this type of unhealthy relationship. Keep in mind, it may take more time to rebound from this type of release, because it occupied so much of your energy, and tainted your self-belief system. In the long run, you will be stronger, more secure, and you’ll become highly self-sufficient once you get back into the flow of life.
There will be a time during the cycle of transformation when you may have to clean up some relationships, and create ones that serve you and your highest vision. When you become intentional about who you align with, you will notice an acceleration on your journey, otherwise your path may be filled with delays, distractions, and dead ends. Remember, those who are truly dedicated to destiny, are on the road less travelled. If it were comfortable and easy, everyone would be doing it. As Roger Staubach once said, “There are no traffic jams along the extra mile.”
Angel Carlton is the author of two books, Staying Afloat During Tides of Change: Introducing the 6 Stages of Transformation, & Dedicated to Destiny: A Pursuit in Personal Growth, Prosperity & Purpose (To be published in 2017), the founder of Power Up People!, a motivational speaker, Transformation Coach, AND she serves as a Director for the Institute for Corporate Productivity & Radio Show Host on Leading the Way (klif.com).